just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
