I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Couch. On fire.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
