just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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