Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
