So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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