break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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