Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
