its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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