On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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