chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
