Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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