So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize