For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
