Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize