sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
