this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
