just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
