just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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