I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
