does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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