Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
