If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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