I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
