Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
