i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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