So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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