Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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