I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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