Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
