i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
