i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Be still, my beating vagina.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize