What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
