Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
