I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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