I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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