I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
