We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
