I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
