Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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