Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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