Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
