my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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