My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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