it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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