What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
