So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
