Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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