So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
