i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
