why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
