i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
