you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
