just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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