the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
