I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
