Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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