It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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