just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
