so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
