I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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