If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
