i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The air was thick with penises
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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