So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
