Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
