I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
