Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
