He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
