on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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