I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
