Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
