Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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