It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
