Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
