There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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