It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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