ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
