She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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