i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
