I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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