i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
