Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
