Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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