FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
