just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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