Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
