people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
