youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
