just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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