i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize