I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
