I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
