im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize