u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
