i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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