He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
