I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
