May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
