and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We got so high we made milksteak
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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