come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
