Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
