Jerry, you need to find god
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
