I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
