What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
