Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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