i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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